So I think I just did a really terrible, mean thing. Actually I know I did.
I just removed my adoption agency, CHI, and my adoption consultant, Toni, from my readers list. This means, because it is a private blog, that they can no longer read my blog.
Why did I do this? Because I really want to blog about something that I don't want them to know/see/hear. As such, I trust my faithful readers discretion and know they won't say anything about this post to the agency. If asked by Toni, I plan on telling a white lie, that my blog is having problems, until I figure out exactly what we are going to do.
Here's the story:
Gregg and I are seriously considering changing adoption agencies. If we do this, now would be the time, because we have not yet submitted our dossier and paid that fee. We are researching various agencies, but it has recently come to our attention that things we have been told were "Ethiopian law/rules" are actually just agency rules. I don't appreciate being lied to. Also, and this is no reflection on anyone else, but I feel like our agency uses faith and God and the Bible as an excuse or fall back position when things don't go as planned or as parents/families would like. Instead of explaining a situation, they tend to say "Trust in God" and "your child will come home according to God's plan." Now, even though I'm not personally Christian, I would never be upset with someone showing their faith. I have faith too, it's just of a different persuasion. But quoting Bible verses and saying "trust in God's timing" in response to questions about the adoption process isn't fair and isn't right. It suggests that if we question anything, we don't have sufficient faith. This is adoption. As much as I hate it -- it's a business. Our agency is in the adoption business and should run their company that way. If I ask "where our we on the 0-12 singleton list" I should be told an answer. If I ask "why didn't we pass court" I should be told an answer. A sufficient answer.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. This has been weighing on me a long, long time. I'm researching things today and tomorrow and we should have a decision made by Thanksgiving.
Again, I'm not bucking any family who stays with CHI -- each agency works for different parents. It's just not working for us.
The Weekly Ramble – August 29, 2025
21 hours ago
10 comments:
I totally understand where you are coming from, if we were to adopt again I would strongly consider using another agency. I love when we had Marianne, and she is actually the reason I chose CHI, but the little lies they tell us and the Trust in God comments bug me. I am a Christian and it drives me nuts. that is the answer I am looking for from them. I already know that part. I am just looking for some facts! Is it really that difficult to give the cold, hard facts? Even if you think I don't want to hear it, you should tell me, because knowing the truth is always more important.
Meg - we WOULD be with a different agency right now if my husband had agreed. We were at the point where we were about to send the dossier and check. We argued for 2 days and he won.
I don't begrudge you at all and wish I wasn't with CHI. I've never been happy with them.
Good luck with your new agency and I'm so jealous!
I hope you find an agency that makes you both happy. This is such an emotional journey that finding an agency you are comfortable with-with policies you are comfortable with-is so important.
I, too, do not enjoy the faith comments, but I can see their point. They are a Christian agency, they made no attempt to disguise that. But, I feel that whenever I ask questions-I get straight up answers. Sometimes it just takes a little straight-forward questioning to get it.
Good luck, Meg. I'm so looking forward to you guys moving forward and actually beginning "the wait" (as if all the time up until dossier submission wasn't actually waiting?!).
Baby DeZutti is out there, you've just got to follow your heart to find him/her.
Meg-
I am Stephanie's mom and I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog! You and Gregg need to do what you feel is right for you. Don't worry about everyone else! One good thing about blogging is Stephanie found you!! It is nice to find some other Inskeep's!
Meg~
You must do what is best for your family. We have done the switch and to let you know this is our third agency. We were first looking into an agency for an adoption from Belize. The Director was horrible and actually got mad at us for asking questions and hung up on us!!(Twice) Then of course we were over a year into the Vietnam adoption process with our last agency. It was bad! We rarely got updates and if you did ask a question their response was usually "there are no guarantees in adoption." We have been very pleased with CHI so far. We are thankful for the communication. They fit us much better than the others did. Saying that...they must fit you as well...You have to be 100% comfortable. We lost a lot of time and money with the last agency! And as you know money is such a big part of this process!!(I wish it weren't!) I hope this makes sense. I am praying for you and Gregg to make this tough decision.
Tina
Oh Meg, you will find an agency that is just perfect for you, it's been tough on all of us at times, I hope you find one that works for you..Best of Luck Erin
All I can say is you have to do what is right for you --- sick of hearing that yet? But, it is so true. We love CHI - but our experience may have been different. We always did get the answers we were asking - and they told us upfront they were not telling people what # they were on the list... true, that is frustrating, BUT... in the end, as I sit here with my sleeping Destiny.. that is all tiddly winks. The end result is what we all want and how we get there -- is up to us and yes, I believe - faith.
I am a Christian and was always upset with the have faith comments. I went with them because of the Arizona representative, Marianne. To me the hardest thing, above all the mentioned things, is the fact that they don't get you updates or pictures that often of your children.
Paul is my last baby so I won't be pursuing another agency for another adoption. I am not sure if I would use CHI again or another agency, or perhaps go domestic adoption again.
Meg - You can't leave us! You're our #1 cheeleader!! I'm only kidding and hope that you make the best decision for you and Gregg. I actually think that choosing the agency was one of the most difficult parts of this process. Peter and I are not super religious people and so many of the agencies are Christian based. It took us a little while to feel comfortable with working with a faith based agency. I can say that I have been super happy with CHI. They have always responded quickly to any issues or questions. We almost went with CHSFS and I am SOO glad we didn't now. I check out their forum every now and then and the communication from the agency seems to be very dysfunctional. OK - this comment is getting very long. Email me if you want. I did a lot of research beforehand and would be happy to share what we found out. Good luck but I'm secretly hoping you stay ( :
I agree with you and totally understand! I will enjoy following who you choose because we will probably consider another agency with adoption #2. I wish you the best of luck!
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