Too much beauty

Today started as it normally does on work days. I awoke about 20 minutes before the alarm with a full bladder, but decided to roll over and try to get back to sleep for those lack few precious minutes. I showered, still half-asleep, and had to remind myself several times to wash my hair. Lately days have been blurring into one another due to my work schedule -- I was on trial last week, and then had 6 out-of-office preps and depositions this week. I was scheduled today to meet with a less-than-desirable client regarding a new case this morning at 10, but had to pick up the original hospital chart (the client is a physician who treated the plaintiff's decedent) from the hospital before the meeting, so was scheduled to leave home at 8:30.

I fed the dog & cat, and ate a very cold can of peaches (no sugar added, canned in 100% pear juice) while checking email. I prepared my "road coffee", then threw on some makeup, jewelry, and clothing. The pants I was going to wear were "technically" in the laundry...nothing a couple of sprays of Febreeze can't handle. (What?! I know you all do this, so stop judging me.) I left the house at 8:28, put my lipstick on in the car, made sure I had clothing to change into tonight when we meet up with friends to go to a haunted trail, and was on my way.

I drive a 2005 Storm Grey Saturn Ion3. I like my car. I don't love it, but I like it, it gets good gas mileage, and is comfortable. I was on-time and my day was moving as expected. Then, while merging right, because I was nearing an on-ramp and traffic would be merging into my lane, the minivan in front of me stopped suddenly, as some are prone to due when faced with traffic merging into their lane. The result was a scratch on her bumper, and my frame bending back onto the wheel well, rendering my car immobile.

Panic set in. I knew I didn't have my insurance card w/ me, because I had just changed wallets and didn't move that card, along w/ many others. I had planned to print out a card when I got to the office (I have esurance, so it's all online.) My plates also expire today, and I realized I hadn't sent the renewal form back in some 3 months ago, so I didn't have the sticker. That meant the registration in my car expired today as well.

I pulled to the side of the road (which took a good 10 minutes, since my front left tire could not move at all.) I got out to examine the damage (nothing visible on my car unless you looked closely at the wheel well and realized it was physically touching the tire.) The lady got out of her minivan -- oh great!!! I hit a 75 year old, who, get this, volunteers her time at the local childrens zoo to "keep active." Why didn't I just hit a nun! She was "just sure" she had been standing still, and thought maybe a car hit me from behind (she hadn't noticed I was merging right.) She called OnStar from her car, so the police were on there way. We checked her car, and she said she wasn't hurt at all, so we cancelled OnStar, exchanged information, and she drove to the zoo.

I got back in my car, flashers on, and called Gregg. He called the Saturn dealership, the tow company, etc. I called work to cancel the meeting, etc. I was shaking. My heart-rate increased to a very uncomfortable level. I knew I was physically, okay, just a bit "shaken up." Gregg was very upset, partly because he said I was speaking in a monotone voice, and partly because he had been asleep, and partly because my RSD was triggered by a high-speed auto accident, and he was worried that this accident would take me OUT of remission. I assured him I was fine. Just a bit shocked.

The minute-man tow came to take me off the highway, because, well, it's dangerous to be in a stopped vehicle on the highway w/ no shoulder, as I was. I then waited outside a gas station, off an off-ramp, for the dealership tow and Gregg.

I just sat there, not moving, not speaking, not really even thinking for about 45 minutes. It didn't seem like a long time, or a particularly short time. I wasn't mad, or sad, or depressed, or glad I didn't have to meet w/ my pain-in-the-ass client, or ANYTHING. I wasn't even numb, because that's something you can feel, can recognize. I was NOTHING. Just sitting there. I noticed at one point that my head was cocked to the left. I don't know why. I don't know if that means anything. My heart-rate was still elevated, but nothing else felt bad, wrong, arye. Nothing felt.

At one point, I focused my eyes (they weren't really focused for a long period of time, but I don't know how long) on a tree in the near distance. I was parked on a residential street, and there were a lot of trees around me. But one in particular made itself known above the rest. Most of the lower branches were bare, but the top branches were the most amazing shade of orange. Almost an artificial orange, like Lucille Ball's hair-color when she was older. Like a pink-orange seen most often in old-lady beauty parlors, and odd sunsets. I've never in my life seen a tree's leaves turn pink-orange. It was so bright, so beautiful, I felt the color was burning its way onto my memory, as if the whole point of this terrible morning was to see that one tree and remember it's leaves for the rest of my life.

Can things happen like that? Do things happen like that?

I was silent on the ride home and Gregg is a little leary of me, because he cannot "read me." Well, join the club Gregg, because I cannot read myself at this point in time. I still don't feel anything. Its as if I'm in limbo. Out of body. Floating above, watching it all like in a dream.
I'm hoping the pink-orange of that tree will warm my foggy brain, and help me wake up.