Timing is everything

So -- needless to say for those who read my blog, yesterday was not one of my better days. However, it provided a lot of time for reflection, and I think I am in a much better place because of it. Here's what I mean:

The Foster License came yesterday, but it says "Dezuth" instead of "Dezutti". Totally DCFS fault, because I saw all the clearances before they went to that department for the license, and they all say "Dezutti." So, my SW has to send a correction to DCFS for the license, however Mary Donoly told me it won't slow anything down. Then, I found out that Mary hadn't received the HS that was supposed to be sent last friday, and was actually sent on Wednesday. I had the tracking number myself, and looked it up -- it had been delivered to an address in Chicago on Thursday and signed for. So I questioned my SW, what the heck is going on here -- should have been sent to Springfield??!! Right??!! Ends up my SW sent a bunch of paperworkd to USCIS and put my HS in that pile. (So USCIS has my homestudy but it hasn't been DCFS certified, so it will be bounced.) My SW said she'll resend the HS to DCFS on Monday. (I know, you're wondering where this post gets positive. Wait for it my friends, it will come.)

You would think I'd be pretty darn mad at all this. simple goofs messing things up for us. But I'm not. Really, I'm not faking here, I'm seriously okay. See, I have come to the realization that our baby hasn't been born yet. It would be fruitless for our DTE to be now, because we'd just wait and wait because our baby hasn't been born yet. I think every single wait, goof, and waste of time has been because (say it with me folks) our baby hasn't been born yet. I now think our DTE is MEANT to be in January or Feb, because our baby will be born in late winter/early spring. It wouldn't make sense to have it any other way.

I know what you're thinking (this actually means if you were me, I know what you are thinking at this point reading this post. I don't actually know what YOU the reader are thinking, because I haven't fully developed my super-hero powers yet.) -- won't our baby be referred to someone who has an early DTE and the same request (0-12 mos, either gender) and is higher up on "The List"?? My answer is NO. I don't know if our baby will stay w/ birth parents or relatives a longer time, or what the precise circumstances will be, but I just know that our baby is our baby, and any delays are so he/she is matched w/ us, when the baby comes to Tsegay's attention for a referral. THIS IS MEANT TO BE.

Now, most of you have figured out at this point in my blogging career that I'm Buddhist, not Christian. But, that doesn't exclude the possibility that I believe in fate, or have faith in this process. I do. For those aren't familiar w/ Buddhist philosophy, here is your 3 minute education on the Bardo and Karma:

(FRIENDLY WARNING, slightly heavy philosophical information to follow, skip over if you don't care to learn more about Buddhism.)


Karma -- like in science every action has an equal reaction. Everything you do, say, think, creates Karma or energy. That energy can be positive or negative. That energy or "Karmic signature" is carried with you into the next life. Whoa, you lost me Meg, "next life", you mean Heaven? Nope, not necessarily. The basic Buddhist belief is that we are in a place called "Samsara" (think EARTH) now, and we are all suffering to different degrees. When we learn the skills to stop suffering, we leave Samsara (and go to a place that can be thought of as the Christian "Heaven" or Muslim "Paradise") While in Samsara we are reborn many, many times, based upon our "Karmic signature" to learn the lessons and skills we need to stop suffering. If you do really bad things (murder) you are born into lower realms of Samsara (hell realms) but then can be reborn in higher realms. The hell realms aren't permenent at all.

There is a time between death and rebirth called Bardo. The Bardo is the in-between place where we make some choices based upon our knowledge and Karmic signature and determine our own rebirth. Buddhist sutras (scriptures) teach us that babies actually chose their parents; while in the Bardo we determine where we will be reborn. Sometimes this is for us, sometimes this is to teach others, sometimes it is a stepping stone to another family, etc.

So, I believe that our child has not been reborn yet, but when he/she is, he/she has chosen to be reborn to his/her birth family for a reason. Maybe our child is such a pure joy, he/she picked the birth family to bring some joy and love into their difficult lives, if only for a few months. I believe our child's Karmic signature knows he/she will be relenquished or abandoned and WE will be our child's forever family.

(END of heavy Buddhist philosophy for those who skipped over.)


There is a plan to all of this, and that plan is to bring our child to us. Not "A" child, but "OUR" child. So, whether you are Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or "undetermined at present" I hope you feel this way about your child(ren). I am okay w/ the wait because I see a purpose to all of it. I hope you do too.