I know you

It's funny. I often hear people comment that technology is separating mankind. Stripping away our civility and humanity. Now that you can send emails instead of hand-written cards, people have lost little courtesies along the way. We don't do business with a handshake anymore. We buy from cyber stores and return by mail. I understand the concerns, but don't think we have lost. Or at least, I haven't lost. I have gained. So much.

If we were adopting 10 years ago, I wouldn't have you. I wouldn't know you. And I feel that I do -- in a deep and profound way, my faithful readers. I know that we are more alike that not. I know we care about the same things. I read your emails, postings and blog comments and hear your personality, your sense of humor, your heartache, your moxy.

I know that, like me, you only wish to parent, and share your heartful of love with a child. It doesn't matter if that child shares your DNA, wining smile, or cowlick at the nap of your neck. It only matters that you love that child more than you knew it was possible to love another human being. I feel the same way.

I know that, like me, you are drawn to Ethiopia. You cannot put it into words, and when someone says "why Ethiopia?" you have a million reasons, but none of them entirely sums it up. In ETH, family is everything. Everything. Children are an absolute gift, more precious than gold. Community is at the heart of everything from everyday shopping to religous festivals. Your neighbors ARE family, and your family lives near enough to be actual neighbors. People help each other out -- in whatever small way they can. Mothers and fathers love their children so much, and only want the best for them. They do not relenquish their children for adoption easily -- no, it is the hardest decision they will ever face. It is a decision made out of the most self-less type of love imaginable. They want their children to have a good life, a life they cannot provide. So they entrust another member of their community to raise their child until a family can adoption him/her. For you also, family is everything. You will raise your child with the same self-less love that his/her parents demonstrated in the moment they took their child to the orphanage you adopted from. You see the stark beauty in this, the intricate dance that brought your child home. I do too.

I want to know you, meet you, have coffee with you. I feel a closeness to you. We are mamas, we share this incredible bond, but it's more than that. I know that if we met in person we would have an instant connection. We would be good friends. We would get together for play dates with our children. We would go shopping togther. We would read books and share them in our own private book club. We would disagree on parenting styles and agree on parenting styles. We would research day-care and nanny-shares. We would celebrate holidays, birthdays, deaths, births, and random Tuesday afternoons.

Without this machine I sit in front of, without this technology, I wouldn't know you existed. You would be a pleasant dream, but that's all. I would hope someone like you was out there, but would know no more.

With this machine, with this "cyber space" world I spend so much time in, I KNOW you exist. And I meet some of you. Not all, but some, and enough to know you all exist in your place in geography. As time goes on I'll meet more of you. I'll come up with excuses to visit Aberdeen South Dakota and Seattle Washington, and Holland Michigan. I'll stop by upstate NY on a business trip, or plan a family vacation to Arizona. I'll visit my family in Indiana the exact week you are visiting your family in Indiana "Oh Amanda, what a funny thing meeting you at this random Olive Garden in Hobart, Indiana, how in the world did that happen??" You know I don't like Olive Garden and neither do you, but we're both there and so we are crying and hugging each other and crying and hugging each others children and our husbands are looking at us like we are nuts, and we probably are, but it doesn't matter because we have found each other. I have found YOU.

Looks like Christmas

I know, I'm a looser. Every year, I get Christmas decorations up the day after Thanksgiving. Every year. Since 1995. Really. But I slacked this year (ie: Gregg and I slept in late because he isn't a good sleeper -- yes he is finally having that sleep study, and although I'm a great sleeper, thanks in part to a terrific little pill who shall remain nameless at this time, I had been up until 4 am reading the Twilight books) and so the decorations were put up last night, frantically, before friends came over for dinner.
We don't put up a tree, because we have ill-behaved pets. Don't get me wrong, we love Jazz and Lola to pieces, but (1) they fight, a LOT and (2) Lola still puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. Since almost all of our ornaments were actually a wedding present from Gregg's sister (and they are GORGEOUS delicate German ornaments), we don't like to take the risk. So, we do garland, and put the ornaments up high. I also have a little village with a tree on top of the TV (again, safety first), and we decorate outside with a wreath and garland. So, I do consider our house to be quite festive. Just sans tree.

Back to the friends who came over. Kim & Francis welcomed Maddie home 3 short months ago. We saw Maddie when she was just 2 weeks old, and the difference last night was amazing, to say the least. This girl has a personality you wouldn't believe! She smiles and laughs at you, and is OBSESSED with ceiling fans. I got the distinct pleasure of being able to wear Maddie most of the evening, so Kim & Francis could enjoy a hot meal, eaten at the same time, rather than their usual "shifts." They say practice makes perfect, so between my nieces and Maddie, I'd say I'm more than ready for Sam.

Thankful for friends

Erin, of Full House Full Hearts Full Hands, started blogging about what she is thankful for, in anticipation of Thanksgiving. I think this is a fabulous idea, and decided to do it myself.

Day 1 -- I'm thankful for my friends.
I am a very social person. I have lots of lots of acquaintances, lots and lots of friends, and am oh-so-lucky to even have more than a handful of people I consider really good friends/ homemade family. I am blessed to have sisters who are great friends. Sisters I would hand pick to be my sisters. I don't believe many people can say that. I have girlfriends I consider sisters because we are that close. I am so thankful for that. I have friends I have meant on this adoption journey that I feel so close to, even though we have never met in person (but we will -- just wait and see, we will!)

I am so thankful for my friends, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a rally of friends behind me to ride out every up, down, and zig-zag on this roller coaster ride. I could never be who I am, never be a mama-to-be, never be a successful wife or attorney, without the loving and supportive friends I have. My friends inspire me everyday.
I am a better person because of the friends I have.

Today, one of my dear friends, Sandi Brown, found out that her son passed court in ETH, and they would be able to go to ETH in just 3 weeks to bring him home. The Browns will be in ETH for Paul's first birthday. They will have him home for Christmas. When she called me, I felt as if my heart had wings and I was soaring in the sky. He is an unbelievably beautiful boy, and already looks like a Brown. Seriously, when you look into this child's face, you see Sandi, Bill and their girls. It's truly amazing.

Today, one of my dear friends, Amanda, found out that her son and daughter did not pass court in ETH. It was so simple and so very wrong. A name on the birth mother's birth certificate was misspelled. And the judge said, no-go and assigned a new court date in late Christmas. Amanda's children are 5 & 7. They know their mom and dad's faces. They ask other families at HOH about their mom and dad and want them to bring them home soon.
It's utterly unfair that Amanda's children won't be home for Christmas or New Years.
Amanda and her husband won't be able to travel until mid-late January. I know, when they have their gorgeous kids home, all this will seem like a dream, a dream they'll hardly remember. But today, their hearts are breaking. And my heart is breaking for them.

One day, when my child is old enough, I'll be able to explain friendship. I'll explain that friends are people we spend time with, people we enjoy being around, people we love. When you love a friend, you feel some of the emotions they feel. Sandi and Amanda have been so supportive of me and my highs and lows in this adoption journey. I hope I can be the kind of friend to them, that they have been to me. I want my child to grow and have friends like Sandi and Amanda.

Because this blog is private, I know each and every reader. I am proud to call you my dear friends, and feel so blessed to have each of you in my life. I am THANKFUL for YOU.

No matter what you believe in

Although this is a private blog and I know everyone who reads it, I don't do a "what do you believe in" test prior to inviting friends, family, and my online mommy friends to read our blog. The bottom line is I don't care if you believe in a higher power and call him/her God, Allah, or Mother Earth. I don't care if you pray to a higher power or gather strength from yourself, friends and family. I just hope you are happy and gather strength somehow/somewhere and have a sense of inner peace in your life.

That being said, if you are inclined to believe in the power of prayer, I would ask with all my heart that you said a prayer for the Hosken family and Brown family tonight. Their court dates are this week. I cannot image the emotions they are experiencing as I write this. I really want their babies home and in their arms for Christmas. They have waited so many years to complete their families. I do believe in the power of prayer and believe if we all lift our minds and voices together, that only good things can happen. Their babes are: Paul Brown, Adia Hosken and Amado Hosken. Please lift them up tonight! Thanks.