Thanksgiving No. 1 -- 2 DeZuttis

Yesterday Gregg and I were Thanksgiving orphans for the first time in 7 years. Because of family scheduling, there wasn't a DeZutti Thanksgiving this year, and the Inskeep Thanksgiving is on Saturday. Gregg and I decided to have a low-key relaxed meal, just us, on our LAST THANKSGIVING WITHOUT BABY SAM. It was actually really neat to be able to have a holiday, knowing that it would be the last one of its kind without Sam. It's amazing to think that in a few short months our lives will chance forever, and next year this time we'll be cleaning mashed potatoes off a little guy's (or girl's) hands, face & likely, head.

Gregg brined an 8 lb turkey. Yes, I said brined. As in a salty liquid to preserve meat and veg. He brought the brine (water, salt & herbs) to a boil on the stove Wednesday night, and then put the thawed turkey in a pot, with the brine, put the lid on, and put the whole thing in the fridge. Let me just say, that it was the best turkey either of us had ever had before. So juicy and tasty. He used rosemary, garlic and whole peppercorns in the brine. I made my smashed potatoes (I keep the skins on, using red russet potatoes, lots of garlic, butter, and veg stock), and Sandi Brown's Cranberry Cheesecake Bars. Warning -- these are dangerous. I mean, they are PERFECT for Thanksgiving because you get your cranberry course and dessert course all in one lovely bite, but I must report that the 9 x 13 pan is almost gone, and it's just the 2 of us!! I think next time I'm going to make them with Stephanie Adam's homemade cranberry sauce. Green beans and gravey rounded out the meal. I had a glass of Michigan Cherry Wine, and Gregg stuck to his usual iced tea. It was a wonderful meal with my favorite person in the world.

Today, I made my from-scratch Carmel Apple pie. I'll post pictures and the recipe tomorrow night, after I cut into it for Inskeep Thanksgiving. Gregg is bringing roasted carrots and sweet potatoes to that. It's at my sister's house, and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MY GIRLS!!!!!

Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving with family and friends. If you are lucky like us, I hope you have a Thanksgiving No. 2 tomorrow as well! Healthy eating & exercise to start in earnest Monday.

Thankful for Gregg

Day 2 -- I'm thankful for my Husband

I am thankful I have the most amazingly wonderful husband on earth. I seriously mean that and I don't think I say that enough to Gregg. These past few months, with Gregg being out of work, has been tough, more on him than on me. But I'm so thankful I have been granted extra time with him. Our usual schedules are: me getting up before Gregg, kissing him while he sleeps, me working. Gregg getting up and going to work. Me coming home. Me going to bed. Gregg coming home and kissing me while I sleep. We only really saw each other on Sundays.

In the past 3 months I have spent more time with my husband, than I've probably spent in the past 7 years combined. It has been wonderful. Fully of randomness, grocery store runs, yard work, watching old movies, cooking dinner together, and falling asleep on the couch. I will remember this time and be grateful for it, because I know it won't last and don't want it to last if it means Gregg is out of work.

I knew I wanted to spend my life with Gregg shortly after we started dating, although I'll never admit that to him (don't want his head to get too big!) On our first date, he opened doors (still does), and asked permission to hold my hand and finally, at the end of the 3 hour date, to kiss me. <that was the sound of my heart skipping a beat.> He is kind and gentle and affectionate. To this day, we always hold hands. Even while we are watching TV in our house, alone. Even in the grocery store -- seriously. If we are having dinner out with friends and he is sitting next to me, he'll put his hand on my thigh. Not in a "I want to go home and have sex" kind of way, but in a "I'm here" reassuring kind of way.

Gregg is an old-fashioned sort. I truly think he was born in the wrong decade, as he seems more at-ease in the 40s or 50s. He likes to get dressed up to go out. He thinks its a crime not to tuck in your shirt and wear a belt. He shines his own shoes and actually has a whole caddy of materials for shoe-shining, passed down from his father. He owns a tux, with a real, silk bow tie that I have to tie each time we go out in formal wear. He only dances to "old standards" ie: Louie Prima, Sarah Vaughn, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett. He still calls his parents friends (who are in their 70s) Mr. and Mrs. He prefers to send hand-written notes than emails.

Gregg loves my nieces and gets down on the ground to play with them, read to them, talk to them. They love him too, Emma even has Gregg in her nightly prayers (her mom didn't tell her to do this, she just wanted to pray that God keeps him safe.)

Gregg could have left me many-a-time. We are both very strong-willed and butt heads like 2 bulls in a proverbial china shop. We yell at each other -- but we always make up. We never go to bed mad. Gregg has stayed with me through RSD, and countless emergency room visits, hospitalizations, drug therapy changes, and surgeries. He has NEVER missed a doctors appointment with me. EVER. Gregg stayed with me when we found out I have the reproductive ability of a 6 year old boy. Gregg stayed with me when I gained 60 lbs, and married me at my heaviest weight -- thinking and saying and believing I was the most beautiful woman in the world.

My husband is hands-down fantastic. I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve him, but I'm oh-so-grateful to have him. I love him to pieces, more than I ever thought possible. I actually love him more every day, because each day I learn something new about him that makes me love him more. I am so thankful for my husband. I love you Gregg!

Our big night out

Tonight Gregg and I went to a charity ball for one of my hospital clients. We had a great time. Someone was good enough to take the first picture with the Chicago skyline to out back. We love it and yes, (warning spoiler alert) it will be our holiday card this year. Gregg really wanted a picture of him in his tux (he owns it, and yes the tie is real, I tied it myself) and dress coat. His brothers don't believe he actually owns clothing like this so he wanted photographic proof. ha!

Gregg really pulled out the stops and was Mr. Charming and Romance. Gotta tell ya, I'm a very, very lucky girl!! I really married the best guy.

Tomorrow I need to get some work done, and then we are doing our final piece of required education for white families adopting a black child (another workbook). We then have to make an appointment w/ our SW to review our answers and have her sign a certificate. Please understand, I realize how important this education is, but I sometimes feel all we talk about is being the white parents of black children.

Speaking of the adoption, our HS has now been certified by DCFS, and should be back at our SW's office this week. I'll have Gregg pick it up by hand, and I'll deliver it by hand to USCIS.

More fun postings tomorrow my faithful friends. Have a great night.

Strangers in the night

Tonight Gregg and I have another hospital charity ball. I know, I know, it's oh so tough being a socialite in Chicago, right??! No my faithful friends, this is a client function. Since my firm is 1/2 medical malpractice litigation, 1/2 corporate law (transactional and litigation), a lot of our clients are hospitals. Attorneys on the med-mal side get invites to the hospital charity balls, and we purchase tickets for those who can/wish to attend and often for the clients (risk managers, paralegals, secretaries in the office) to support the hospital. I don't purchase the tickets, but I get a lovely night out with my husband. Yeah! Because it's always a different hospital, I get the luxury of wearing the same outfit to each one and no one is the wiser. (shhh, don't tell.)

Last week's band was wonderful and Gregg and I got a lot of dancing in -- so fun & romantic!! Gregg and I only "couples" dance and only to the "standards" ie: big band, swing, Nat "King" Cole, Frank Sinatra, Louie Prima, etc. I'm really hoping (cross my fingers) we get another good band (maybe the same??) this week. We are sitting at a table w/ my direct clients (risk manager, her paralegal, etc.) which will be great and allow for good conversation (sometimes you are at a table of strangers who just don't want to talk.) I'll bring my camera so I'll be sure to upload some pics of us tomorrow. If I'm lucky, we'll get a good one for the holiday card. yeah!

Too much beauty

Today started as it normally does on work days. I awoke about 20 minutes before the alarm with a full bladder, but decided to roll over and try to get back to sleep for those lack few precious minutes. I showered, still half-asleep, and had to remind myself several times to wash my hair. Lately days have been blurring into one another due to my work schedule -- I was on trial last week, and then had 6 out-of-office preps and depositions this week. I was scheduled today to meet with a less-than-desirable client regarding a new case this morning at 10, but had to pick up the original hospital chart (the client is a physician who treated the plaintiff's decedent) from the hospital before the meeting, so was scheduled to leave home at 8:30.

I fed the dog & cat, and ate a very cold can of peaches (no sugar added, canned in 100% pear juice) while checking email. I prepared my "road coffee", then threw on some makeup, jewelry, and clothing. The pants I was going to wear were "technically" in the laundry...nothing a couple of sprays of Febreeze can't handle. (What?! I know you all do this, so stop judging me.) I left the house at 8:28, put my lipstick on in the car, made sure I had clothing to change into tonight when we meet up with friends to go to a haunted trail, and was on my way.

I drive a 2005 Storm Grey Saturn Ion3. I like my car. I don't love it, but I like it, it gets good gas mileage, and is comfortable. I was on-time and my day was moving as expected. Then, while merging right, because I was nearing an on-ramp and traffic would be merging into my lane, the minivan in front of me stopped suddenly, as some are prone to due when faced with traffic merging into their lane. The result was a scratch on her bumper, and my frame bending back onto the wheel well, rendering my car immobile.

Panic set in. I knew I didn't have my insurance card w/ me, because I had just changed wallets and didn't move that card, along w/ many others. I had planned to print out a card when I got to the office (I have esurance, so it's all online.) My plates also expire today, and I realized I hadn't sent the renewal form back in some 3 months ago, so I didn't have the sticker. That meant the registration in my car expired today as well.

I pulled to the side of the road (which took a good 10 minutes, since my front left tire could not move at all.) I got out to examine the damage (nothing visible on my car unless you looked closely at the wheel well and realized it was physically touching the tire.) The lady got out of her minivan -- oh great!!! I hit a 75 year old, who, get this, volunteers her time at the local childrens zoo to "keep active." Why didn't I just hit a nun! She was "just sure" she had been standing still, and thought maybe a car hit me from behind (she hadn't noticed I was merging right.) She called OnStar from her car, so the police were on there way. We checked her car, and she said she wasn't hurt at all, so we cancelled OnStar, exchanged information, and she drove to the zoo.

I got back in my car, flashers on, and called Gregg. He called the Saturn dealership, the tow company, etc. I called work to cancel the meeting, etc. I was shaking. My heart-rate increased to a very uncomfortable level. I knew I was physically, okay, just a bit "shaken up." Gregg was very upset, partly because he said I was speaking in a monotone voice, and partly because he had been asleep, and partly because my RSD was triggered by a high-speed auto accident, and he was worried that this accident would take me OUT of remission. I assured him I was fine. Just a bit shocked.

The minute-man tow came to take me off the highway, because, well, it's dangerous to be in a stopped vehicle on the highway w/ no shoulder, as I was. I then waited outside a gas station, off an off-ramp, for the dealership tow and Gregg.

I just sat there, not moving, not speaking, not really even thinking for about 45 minutes. It didn't seem like a long time, or a particularly short time. I wasn't mad, or sad, or depressed, or glad I didn't have to meet w/ my pain-in-the-ass client, or ANYTHING. I wasn't even numb, because that's something you can feel, can recognize. I was NOTHING. Just sitting there. I noticed at one point that my head was cocked to the left. I don't know why. I don't know if that means anything. My heart-rate was still elevated, but nothing else felt bad, wrong, arye. Nothing felt.

At one point, I focused my eyes (they weren't really focused for a long period of time, but I don't know how long) on a tree in the near distance. I was parked on a residential street, and there were a lot of trees around me. But one in particular made itself known above the rest. Most of the lower branches were bare, but the top branches were the most amazing shade of orange. Almost an artificial orange, like Lucille Ball's hair-color when she was older. Like a pink-orange seen most often in old-lady beauty parlors, and odd sunsets. I've never in my life seen a tree's leaves turn pink-orange. It was so bright, so beautiful, I felt the color was burning its way onto my memory, as if the whole point of this terrible morning was to see that one tree and remember it's leaves for the rest of my life.

Can things happen like that? Do things happen like that?

I was silent on the ride home and Gregg is a little leary of me, because he cannot "read me." Well, join the club Gregg, because I cannot read myself at this point in time. I still don't feel anything. Its as if I'm in limbo. Out of body. Floating above, watching it all like in a dream.
I'm hoping the pink-orange of that tree will warm my foggy brain, and help me wake up.

My stupid ovaries (another reason to love Gregg)

So, it was this week last year that I had laproscopy to determine what the heck was wrong with my insides, ie: why weren't we getting preg.

We had 1/2 the story at this point because we had gone through ALL the testing (ie: I HAD GONE THROUGH ALL THE TESTING, Gregg's only job was the read some porn in the doctor'soffice.), including (close your ears boys) DAILY transvag U/S to "watch" the progress of the egg folicles growing during my endless cycles.

I was on 1 drug to grow egg folicles, 1 to ovulate, and 1 to have a period. Yes, it's true, I couldn't even do that right. I would go, at times, 50-60 days without a cycle, and would be taking 2 home preg tests a day, and then to doc for pee stick test, and then to doc for blood test to check my BHGC levels (which were evidently the same as a castrated pig!) I was prodded for blood samples almost daily as well, to see if I was responding to any drugs, and if my estrogen levels were rising. Of course, we found out those were again at the level of a castrated pig. Basically, Gregg has more estrogen than I do. How I ever got boobs will forever be a mystery, since I'm chemically practically a freakin' guy!!! (Does that make Gregg gay? Should we have gotten married in Calif or Mass??) So, we had the laproscopy, and on October 12th got the "total" results:

1. My body kills Gregg's little swimmers. don't ask me why. I've always been an aggresive girl in the romance department, but this is ridiculous! Even when they did the "wash" and took only the best little swimmers, 2 seconds in me and they are all dead or paralyzed. go figure.

2. My body doesn't have enough Estrogen to regulate a cycle, not enough Progesterone to have a period. Period. Again, no reasons why. And no, I don't know why I don't have a hairy chest or deeper voice.

3. I have endo (okay, most everyone does, because it's what all the cool kids are doing!) that encapsulates both ovaries. Not a problem most of the time, but when the ovaries swell w/ a growing follicle, it becomes a problem because the endo stops everything. Clamps down, and no egg can be released into the express-carpool-lane to my uterus (and the waiting, dead, swimmers.) The mature egg just dies/ is reabsorbed in the ovaries.

As we all know boys, if the girl doesn't come to the party, there is no party!

So, Gregg and I trying to conceive is really like that scene in Austin Powers w/ the fembots: Cue swingin' 60s soundtrack. Dim the lights. It's a party, and everyone is feelin' good. There are comfy couches, hot girls, and guys in tight pants (wait, could that be the problem?) The wine is flowing freely. The clothes are coming off, IT'S GETTNG HOT IN HERE, AND I FEEL RANDY!!
But then the girl pulls out a machine gun and mows down everyone in the room. And it's over. It's all over. Then the girl turns out to be a fembot and the computer fails, and she smokes and her head falls off. (Okay, okay, I admit I added that last part for effect, that wasn't really in the movie.)

So, the decision to adopt was really, I guess, made for us. We just want to be parents. End of story. Doesn't matter how that happens. We feel so very lucky that we can adopt from ETH, and KNOW our baby is out there somewhere. CHI is just helping us find him/her.

Now, you may wonder (as I often do) how I can tell this sad tale and keep a grin on my face. (you cannot see my face, but take my word for it, there is a grin there.) I figure our "little problem" with infertility was basically just getting us ready for parenthood. If you cannot laugh, if you've lost your sense of humor, you aren't ready. Life often sucks, but that's okay. The ONLY thing you control is your own actions/ reactions to the world around you. You have a choice. You can chose to wallow in self-pity and be depressed and feel helpless. Or you can chose to find a solution, a clever way around the obstacle. I can be a real "Sunshine Sally" and that annoys a lot (including my hubby at times) because I just refuse to get down about this for any real length of time. (believe me, the wine really comes in handy in this department!)

I'm going to be a mommy. Let me repeat that, I'm going to be a mommy!!! Does it matter how that happens? Heck no! I don't hate my body for this, but I'm not yet super-fond of it. at the same time, I find it odd and wonderful and thrilling that Gregg could very likely have bio babies with someone else, but chooses not to. He'd rather have a life with me. (see pic above, isn't he dreamy?!) How great is that?! so, with an incredibly understanding and loving husband, a killer sense of humor, and my glass of wine (not now, good grief it's only 8 am, that's coffee!), I think we're in pretty good shape after all!