My inspiration

Okay -- seriously you are ALL my inspiration. I cannot tell you how great it is to be able to "check up" on my favorite ETH families and see pictures of the kids (that means all the kids, ETH or otherwise.) I think blogging and emailing should be mandatory for all adoptive parents because we learn so much from one another. I am jealous of those of you who already have kiddos at home, and of those moms that stay at home (which my husband has already said no to. It really sucks when you make more money than your husband!) I learn from each and every one of you every day.

However, my sister Amanda is my all-time parenting inspiration. I know, I should say my mom, but since I was a kid, it's hard for me to truly understand her as a parent. But as an adult, observing my sister raise her amazing almost 4 year old & almost 2 year old girls, I can truly appreciate everything she goes through to make it sanely through a day. She made the brave choice to stay at home when her company wouldn't let her go to part time after Emma was born. Her fantastic hubby works extra shifts to make up the difference. They struggle, sure, but they make it work. Family comes first, and their girls know how much they are loved every single day. I am in constant awe of my sis, and hope & pray I can be 1/2 the mother she is. Now, like most moms, she doesn't think she's anything special...but I know otherwise. I may be a little bit biased, but I swear my neices are the most amazing kids on the planet. (there is a reason to hope we get a little guy, then my neices can be the most amazing girls on the planet, and I won't feel guilty!)

Here is a pic of my sis at my wedding. She was 6 mos preg with Olivia, and Emma was my flower girl. Love you Manda!!

The Ishmaels

You all may be wondering who the Ishmaels are, since their vacation photos are featured on my blog. The Ishmaels are wonderful friends of ours. I have known Angel since college, and have know her husband Segun since before they were married. Likewise, they have known Gregg since he came into my life. Angel is like a sister to me. We are so close, in fact, that at my bridal shower (held at my mother's house) her 4 year old Alexis (my flower girl) asked me who the "red head lady" was. I replied she was my mom. Alexis said "but I thought Nana was your mom because you and mom are sisters." We then had to explain that Angel and I have different moms but are so close it's like we are sisters.

This Labor Day we went on vacation with the Ishmaels, their 2 gorgous girls, and Eve, their au pair. We had a lovely time in Union Pier Michigan, one of our favorite spots.

We have always felt blessed to have the Ishmaels in our lives, because they are such true and loving friends. However, on our journey to Sam, we feel doubly blessed. Angel has very light skin and freckles (a beautiful combination) and has subsequently had to field questions about her race and "what her parents are" all of her life. Although these questions always come from a place of ignorance and can be very hurtful, I believe she is a stronger woman for the difficulties she has faced. Segun is Nigerian, and has had to not only deal with the differences of being African in Amerca vs being African American, but has dealt with a lot of racism, as a very dark-skinned physician in a very white area of Indiana. They live in a mostly white neighborhood and their girls attend a mostly white school. As such, Angel & Segun are unique in their ability to help prepare us for many of the issues we will face with raising Sam in a white family.

We will never be able to understand what it's like for Sam, and will never be able to be the strong black role models he needs in his life. Angel, Segun and their girls can be the strong black role models Sam needs. We are so very greatful for having them in our lives and for the love they already have for our Sam. (Although the girls ask me frequently if we can trade Sam for a girl!)

Humbling

It's not all about us. It's not even all about Sam. It's about all the orphans, all the families, all the social workers, adoption counselors, foster families, in-orphanage nannies, friends, spiritual leaders, church groups...everyone that makes this possible, makes it happen. It's about joining each child with his or her forever family. I need to keep this in mind, always.
There are many, many families (CHI and otherwise) who have been waiting months upon months for paperwork, for dossier documents to be returned from the gov't, for referrals, for Visas, etc. There are many families switching programs because theirs was closed and now they are in the ETH program starting all over again. Although I feel so blessed to be connecting with these families and am so happy they are in my program, they are greiving the loss of their baby from Vietnam, China, S. America, etc. I need to keep this in mind, always.
I want my blog to be supportive of all adoptive families, not just a rank on my own frustrations, or an exclamation of my own joys. I need to keep this in mind, always.

'Pitty Poor Me' Day

Okay, the last post was a bit angry & Gregg said I was being very mean/angry this morning. That's not productive. I was online and checked out the blogs of several other Ethiopia families I met through the Yahoo group, and feel much better. The families who are still waiting are showing extreme amounts of patience and grace. The families who have returned, have gorgeous,healthy, bright children and feel every second of the wait was worthwhile. I know I'm just having a "pitty poor me" day and need to snap out of it. Maybe a trip to Babies R Us will lift my spirits?

I am also journaling, at the suggestion of our wonderfully & supportive social worker, Jacque, and our amazing adoption consultant, Toni. I am writing the journal as an on-going letter to our child, I guess almost as the beginning of Sam's adoption narrative. I'm including my feelings, fears & hopes, along with photographs. Some day (circa age 20?) I hope to give it to Sam, so he can understand an appreciate everything that happened to bring him into our family. Of course, I'll have a scrapbook/photobook that Sam will see and add to from day 1, but I think Mommy's little nervous breakdowns should be reserved for an older, more mature audience. Don't you agree?

This is a crap shoot

Okay, I just finished watching 7 back episodes of "Adoption Stories" on Discovery Health that were recorded on the DVR. Honestly, I'm not feeling really good now. It seems this is all just a crap shoot. Some referrals/placements happen 2 minutes after you submit your paperwork -- others 2 years. There does not appear to be any rhyme or reason. If your US paperwork goes quickly, you'll be held-up on the child's home-country Visa or adoption. Or, if your US paperwork takes forever, the home-country Visa is issued without delay. OR the US paperwork is painfully slow AND the home-country Visa/adoption hits red-tape delays. OR everything happens smoothly all around (not likely.)

I KNOW everyone says have faith and it will happen when its supposed to. But, I feel like I've already been waiting 35 years to be a mom, and some paper-pusher in Washington, or Springfield is preventing me from being a mom NOW.

I think I'm just having one of those days...I'm sure everyone else does as well.