Inskeep Thanksgiving

As you can see from the pictures (some of which were taken by 3 1/2 year old Emma), the Inskeeps had a FABULOUS Thanksgiving today. The food was top-notch, as was the company. Everyone contributed to the meal, and my brother-in-law deep-fried the turkey -- DELISH! The best though, was Manda's pumpkin cheesecake. You'd never know from the taste of looks of it that it was her first try at a cheesecake.
The best part of the day was when I asked Em what she was thankful for, and she said, "You!"
Hope you had as good of a time as we did! I'll post some recipes tomorrow.

Thankful for Supportive Family

I know this is usually a "gimme" when thinking of your blessings, but I am very close with my family, and they are unusually supportive of me in everything I do. So, today,
I'm thankful for my Supportive Family.
My parents have been married for almost 41 years (Dec 30th). I know that's unusual in today's society. There were married young (by my standards, not theirs), my mom was only 21. They have had more than their fair share of ups and downs, financial hardships, kids' illnesses, death of parents...but have stuck it out and reached the other side with more love and friendship and understanding for each other. What a great example for all of us to follow. My mom and dad have always been very supportive of me, my dreams, and my often hair-brained ideas. I know they have not always understood me, or why I was doing what I was doing, but they loved me and provided much needed emotional support.
I am very close to my sisters as well. I honestly couldn't have gotten through the past 2 years without my sister Amanda, who has 2 gorgeous daughters of her own. She has been my "mommy voice of reason" on this crazy infertility and adoption journey.
Aside from the fact that my family absolutely adores Gregg, (seriously, they would have adopted him if we didn't get married), they have been head-over-heels in love with our ETH baby, from the day they knew we were adopting.
It's funny, when we was looking over brochures and trying to decide which program to go with, I had sent some stuff to mom to look at as well. We were on the phone, I distinctly recall this moment, and we both blurted out "ETHIOPIA" at the same time as our first choice. She saw those big brown eyes and cheerful smiles and KNEW her grandson/daughter was Ethiopian. Amazing!
Everyone is on pins and needles awaiting Sam's referral, Sam's photograph, Sam's arrival. Knowing how much they support our decision to adoption transracially, really gives us strength when we second-guess are abilities to do this.
I am so blessed to have an amazing family -- I love you guys so much!!

Thankful for Nieces

This was an effortless "thankful" decision: I am thankful for my Nieces!

Em and Liv are the most amazing little people I know. It has been a wonderful gift to be able to watch them grow since the day they were born. Both of them had a distinct personality from day one, that has only strengthened over the years.

Em has the exact same smile she did in her 6 month pictures, which I'm looking at right now. Em is really just a "mini Me" of her dad, Bryan (minus the goatee!). She has a HUGE personality and loves to TALK TALK TALK, just like her Aunt Meg. She has always been a very happy little girl, with a big imagination. She loves to read and will wake me up at 6 in the morning to read books together. She is a cuddly kid, which you know I adore. She loves to give hugs and kisses. She is very inquisitive. When she was less than 2 years old, and I would visit without Gregg (he would be working), she would walk around the house, looking behind doors, saying "Where HE??" She holds the phone between her ear and shoulder, just like Grandma, when talking. She loves to look grownup and do grownup things. Makeup is really big now and she HAS to watch me put mine on and help me along the way. She loves lip gloss (ie: Burts Bees "chapstick") and jewelry. She thinks if you are dressed alike, then you are "twins" and so she picks out outfits so "we be twin now Aunt May!" My biggest joy is talking with her when we are alone. She shares her hopes and dreams, although she doesn't call them that. She likes to tell me secrets and says we have a "best friends club." She is THE BEST!

Liv is fanastic, but VERY different from Em. She was a very fussy baby, and only wanted mom. She still, at 23 months, wants to be held all the time. She is very small, and has developed defense mechanisms because of that -- she pinches like a 4 lbs lobster. Seriously, this girl can break the skin! She also pulls hair. I think this started because others her age and younger are so much bigger than she is, she didn't like getting "pushed around" by rough toddler play. Now, boys 1/2 her age run away from her. It's kinda funny, but I try hard not to laugh. Liv has the lungs of an Olympic swimmer, but has a sweet side as well. She LOVES to play hide & seek, and it's best when she is hiding. She goes into her closet (2 door frames but no actual doors), and peeks out with her "Ta -DA!" grin big as can be! She doesn't like to snuggle, but will still "root" on your shoulder when she is tired. Her laugh is hilarious and she will laugh any anything and everything, because it gets others laughing. She gets very excited and proud of herself when she completes certain tasks. Its so amazing to watch this tiny creature with a huge spirit.

My girls are an absolute joy. I could not, repeat, COULD NOT have survived these past few years of infertility and adoption paperwork without them. They are super excited about "new little baby" and are preparing to play with him/her. Liv is excited to finally have someone smaller than her around! I am so Thankful my sister became a parent first, and allowed me to be such a big part of her family's life. I'm so grateful my nieces have taught me about aunthood and parenthood and cannot wait until their cousin comes home!

Mom's visit & Makeovers

Mom came up for a visit this weekend. We hadn't seen each other since baby shopping in August, which was much too long. But with difficult schedules, and 2 1/2 hour drive between us, you know how it can be.

We went to Bare Escentuals for makeovers and new makeup ideas. We did have "before" pictures taken, but I accidentally erased them (seriously, it was an accident). I don't think the pictures do justice because mom looks amazing! Really -- truly amazing. She has always been very beautiful but the new makeup really brought her beauty out. My makeover was only for my eyes, because I have used BE for years and years but am afraid of too much eye makeup. I have always thought too much eye makeup made me look like a french whore (which my husband doesn't seem to see a problem with.) Mom and I learned new shading techniques and how to do a 3 part eye is just a couple minutes. I got some great ideas and think my eyes won't look so lost behind my glasses. It was a lot of fun.

We then went to Ikea!! Such a treat for mom because there isn't one in Indiana. We ended up getting a great present for Emma's 4th birthday (in February), as well as some stocking stuffers for the girls for Christmas (hello hand puppets!).

We came home to a lovely dinner made by Gregg -- roast pork loin and roast sweet potatoes & carrots YUM!!

Cutest Nieces Ever!

I just KNOW all of you have been dying to see new pictures of Em and Liv, also known as the Cutest Darned Nieces in the History of the World. (Well, I may be a bit biased, but take a look for yourself and YOU decide.) Here are Halloween and fall pics. The matches dresses are an Old Navy STEAL for their ever-lovin' Aunt May (that's me.) Please note Liv's Pooh burpy, which she carries everywhere and refuses to be parted with. I think it really completes the Tigger outfit, don't you?

Yes, Em is wearing a tough of blush while in her princess outfit (there was even a tiarra at one point.) The funny part is, she didn't want Manda to wash the blush off her face and screemed when Manda got near with the washcloth ("No Mom, I pinsess ALL times!") The kids has moxy, you have to give her that!

For Lou

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary (don't know if that's the appropriate word) of my F-I-L's death. Lou DeZutti was a commanding, charming presense. He captured the attention of the entire room, no matter the situation. He was loving and generous. He took me into the family as if I was one of his birth children, as opposed to being married to one. He told me "love you" when we kissed goodbye at the end of a visit. In his last week (in the hospital) we had some alone time together, that I will always charish. My only regret is that he isn't here to see his grandchildren. I don't believe Gregg even had a change to tell him we were going to adopt, because it happened around the same time he went into the hospital.

Last night the family got together for a meal in Lou's honor/memory. It was simiple Italian fare. At the beginning of the meal, we all raised glasses and merely said "To dad!"

I miss you Lou, and I love you dearly.

1 year -- looking back

------------------------------------------------------------------
For those whom are not familiar w/ my abbreviations:
TTC = trying to conceive
CHI = Children's Hope Int'l, our adoption agency
ETH = Ethiopia (okay, you totally should have known that one!)
WSW = our wonderful social worker, Jacque @ Glenkirk Adoptions
AAC = our amazing adoption consultant, and general life counselor, Toni @ CHI
RSD = Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. This is a chronic, often degenerative disease, of the sympathetic nervous system, which I have had since April of 2003. I currently have neuro-stimulator implants in my spinal cord to control the symptoms, but have been in remission since May of this year, and thus have turned off the implants. I am not on any drug therapy currently. Yeah!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Well -- tomorrow will be October 10th. The day it all really started. Not the day we got married or the day we decided to have kids, or even the day we started TTC*. But the day we found we could not conceive and the day we decided our child is in ETH and we just have to find him/her. The day we knew CHI was going to help us find our child. The day we began our journey for Sam.

How do I feel? I'm not going to lie or even sugar-coat it. I'm frustrated and pissed off. Yesterday Gregg asked what I wanted to do for our anniversary (later this month) and I almost started to cry because we just naturally assumed we would have our baby in our arms at this point in time. I never would have dreamt that we wouldn't even have our dossier out by now.
My WSW told me yesterday "if we don't have the Foster License next week, I'll start bugging people." I wanted to scream START BUGGING PEOPLE NOW. But I respect that she has to work w/ DCFS every day, and I'm not the only mom-to-be she works with, and she cannot risk pissing off DCFS for future families. Speaking of which, my AAC scanned & sent the original letter from my specialist & WSW said that should suffice regarding my RSD.

I think Gregg is a little numb at this point. He said yesterday that he won't really let himself get excited until we are on the plane heading home, because he is afraid that, at any point in time, someone will "pull the plug" and decide we cannot have our child. I think in reality, he will let himself get excited when we get the referral. He is being a sport about shopping and setting up the nursery, and getting gender-neurtral clothing, but he isn't like me. On a scale from 1-10, Gregg is about a 4 now, and I'm definitely "one more, an 11" (all hail Spinal Tap!)

I got some super-cute tees from Tiny Rock Star & Tiny Revalutionary (thank you Stacie Dixon for posting those on your blog.) I have them in the top drawer of the finished dresser and took them out and looked at them again this morning. I so despirately want to see them on our child.

I think all my fall projects will help fill my time, but won't fill the whole that is growing in my heart. Only my child can fill that. Don't get me wrong, I have more love in my life than should be legal. I have a truly amazing husband. Seriously, I often wonder how I got so very lucky to have him in my life. He is so funny & smart & super-hot (which shouldn't matter, but is really nice "gravy") He is my rock. I love him more than words could ever adequately express. I have a fabulous family. My sisters & mom & dad support me no matter what, and are as excited as I am for our baby to come home. I have cousins & aunts & uncles loving this baby already. I'm very blessed because my family is more than family. I can honestly say I would chose them out of all the families in the world to be mine. I have some of the best friends a girl could ever wish for, both in the city, and around the country/world. I cannot complain. But I still ache for my child, and have so much room in my heart for the love you can only experience as a mommy.

So Sam, know that I love you whether you have been born yet or not. Know that I'll find you no matter how long and hard the journey is. Know that I'll come get you and bring you home as soon as possible. Know that you've been loved and longed for and dreamt of longer than any homegrown child ever could be. Know that I will not allow another year to pass without you in my arms.

The right way to start October

It has been a tough couple of weeks for the DeZuttis. Primarily because our homestudy is MIA, but of course other issues are present. We have found that life does not stop for adoption (gosh, that should be a tee-shirt.) But we are rallying together and pulling through.

Here are some great things that happened in the first 5 days of the month:

1. CHI families received 5 referrals this week. Wooo-Hoooo!

2. I finished Sam's dresser. See above photos.

3. Sam received his/her first book -- a recycled copy of "Good night moon" from our friends Kim & Francis (& new baby Maddy!) We love recycled books, clothing, furniture, you name it. Yeah environment!

4. I spent the weekend @ my sisters visiting. I had tons of quility time w/ "my girls." Manda & Bryan had the time (since I was babysitting) to drive about 45 mins out and pick up the bunk beds they had ordered several weeks back. We even had time to assemble the bunks today. See above pictures.

5. Liv was really affectionate with me. This was the 1st time for her. I think it's been a little hard with Liv, because she is SO different than Em. Em is a complete love-bug and Liv isn't. Unless your name is Mommy, and even that doesn't work all the time. Liv is a very serious child, and does not like to smile a lot for me. This weekend I felt like we had a real breakthru. She wanted ME to push her on the swing, and ME to carry her, and ME to get her dressed in the morning. She does not cuddle, but she did sit on my lap for a while -- which is huge! She even called me "An Mae-Mae" and gave me kisses when I left. My heart was singing!

6. Em decided she would be okay if "little baby" is a boy. Before she was not. We talked about the fact that Little Bear, Franklin, and Handy Manny are all boys, and she likes them, so she decided a little boy baby would be acceptable. A girl is still preferrable. About 20 times this weekend, she said "Aunt Mae, I have secret" I would come close and she would say "I love you beary, beary much!" This kid makes my heart melt!

7. When I came home tonight, my wonderful hubby and I danced in the living room in our socks, while singing our song, "Nice & Easy" (Sinatra). I love him beary, beary much! October is a pretty great month so far.

Jaye Visit

My BFF, Jaye, who shamelessly moved to San Francisco 10 years ago after her divorce, came for a visit this weekend!!!! She is going back to IN for a family reunion and visit w/ her mom. I hate to admit this, but we hadn't seen each other since my wedding, 2 years ago. Gregg and I had plans to go out in April of this year, but that vacation got nixed by his boss (about 1 month before the boss was nixed!) I was so thrilled she had time to stay here for 24 hours. Gregg is out of town for an auto event, so we had dinner, drank good margaritas, and talked until almost 2 am. then we go up, had breakfast at my favorite diner, went to BRU to view the crib & crib bedding, and then to several fabric stores to pick out fabrics for the curtains in the nursery. We had a wonderful day, got thoroughly caught up (some things aren't meant for email), and took a great picture of the 2 of us.
I cannot wait until the baby is here and we make our "west coast tour" to meet Aunt Jaye!!

My Girls

So here they are: My girls. Well, technically, they are my sister's girls, because they are her children and my nieces. My Emma & Olivia. I love them more than I thought was humanly possible. They are, without a doubt, the 2 most magical beings on the planet. Part of me hopes our first is a boy, because I cannot imagine a girl being more perfect than Em or Liv.

Em is 3 1/2, and a chatterbox if ever there was one. She will talk your ear off in person or on the phone. She has tons of energy and a great imagination. We play a lot of imaginary games, so as her Aunt May, I of course believe she has advanced brain development for her age. She is a very fast runner, and loves to play "I'm gonna catch you, you better run." Of course, this game never involves you chasing Em, but rather ALWAYS involves Em chasing you. We have "slumber parties" when I visit, which entails Em & I sleeping on an air bed on the floor in the middle of her room. Sleeping next to her, and watching her dream in the night is absolutely priceless.

Liv is 22 months, is much more petite than her sister was at that age. She is sly and sweet. I must admit, I let her get away with a lot, because she is so darn charming. She has a grin that would make Hitler smile and contemplate the wonderment of childhood. Because she is very small, she has compensated by developing a pinching technique that I believe she has in turn taught the Worlds crabs & scorpions! She is currently in a monkey phase and climbs, climbs, climbs and is driving her mom crazy by managing to levitate to the top of the kitchen island several times a day. She still loves her crib and will not sleep elsewhere (ie: no sleepovers at Grandma's.) She is very, very fond of my 6 lbs cat, Jazz. I believe this is in part because she is very soft and very docile. I believe this is also in part because Jazz is the only thing Liv has met that's smaller than her!

Both of the girls LOVE babies, and are very excited about "Aunt May's litt-ttle Baby!" When we said it might be a boy, they shook their heads no, and Em said, "I no like boys, they mean, I want girls!" However, that being said, Em has offered several of her purple flowered sweaters, "in case litt-ttle baby code." too precious!

You will note from the above picture that Em is taking gymnastics class at her local Y. She is absolutely fearless (her mother is not) and can RUN across the balance beam and jump off, landing on her feet. Her newest trick is a headstand, which she will repeat over and over, using, as you can see, no hands mom!, until you distract her with something new.

Thumbs up from Grandma

My mom, Sam's grandma, was the original owner of Sam's re-finished dresser. I sent her pics & we talked last night and she is SO EXCITED w/ the outcome. I don't think she had any idea that there was good pine wood underneith the 7 coats of paint & stain. I had previously refinished the dresser she had as a little girl, in a similar 2-toned effect. it turned out great! So, we have 2 pieces of family history for Sam & siblings. These pieces were originally purchased by my Grandpa Gray, stained & painted for my mom (circa 1955), and re-painted over the years for me & my siblings. In addition, mom has a bookshelf, a toy box, and a child's desk, which were all purchased by Grandpa Gray at the same time as naked furniture & stained & painted.

Mom is so excited by the dresser, that I'm going to take my stripping & sanding supplies down in a couple weeks and we are going to strip & sand her pieces & later stain when she decides how she wants the finished pieces to look. She has been hiding these pieces in a spare room because, well, they look like crap! They have been painted, chipped & repainted multiple times, but we both like stained natural wood much better. I cannot wait to show her the process so she can turn the treasured pieces into usable items for the grandchildren!

Also, a church friend who runs a day care had an extra pak'n play she gave mom this weekend after church. Although its pretty "loud" (fushia, purple & teal), I'm very happy that she has one we can move around the house for naps & diaper changes. Also, mom & dad have a HUGE back yard, so it will be good if we are outside and Sam wants to nap or play. I'm all about baby freedom & will "wear" Sam as much as possible, but I'm also all for safety & unfenced yards aren't good for fast-running little ones. so thank you, thank you, thank you unnamed church friend! Good to know our pak'n play can stay in Chicago when we visit Grandma & Grandpa!

My inspiration

Okay -- seriously you are ALL my inspiration. I cannot tell you how great it is to be able to "check up" on my favorite ETH families and see pictures of the kids (that means all the kids, ETH or otherwise.) I think blogging and emailing should be mandatory for all adoptive parents because we learn so much from one another. I am jealous of those of you who already have kiddos at home, and of those moms that stay at home (which my husband has already said no to. It really sucks when you make more money than your husband!) I learn from each and every one of you every day.

However, my sister Amanda is my all-time parenting inspiration. I know, I should say my mom, but since I was a kid, it's hard for me to truly understand her as a parent. But as an adult, observing my sister raise her amazing almost 4 year old & almost 2 year old girls, I can truly appreciate everything she goes through to make it sanely through a day. She made the brave choice to stay at home when her company wouldn't let her go to part time after Emma was born. Her fantastic hubby works extra shifts to make up the difference. They struggle, sure, but they make it work. Family comes first, and their girls know how much they are loved every single day. I am in constant awe of my sis, and hope & pray I can be 1/2 the mother she is. Now, like most moms, she doesn't think she's anything special...but I know otherwise. I may be a little bit biased, but I swear my neices are the most amazing kids on the planet. (there is a reason to hope we get a little guy, then my neices can be the most amazing girls on the planet, and I won't feel guilty!)

Here is a pic of my sis at my wedding. She was 6 mos preg with Olivia, and Emma was my flower girl. Love you Manda!!

Another Inskeep

Oh my Gosh! What a small world! Yesterday I received an email from another mom on the ETH Yahoo group who asked if I was an Inskeep (Which I most definitely am!) Her maiden name is Inskeep too. Although she lives in Arizona w/ hubby and soon-to-be-babies, we figured out through geneology that we are very, very distantly related.

In a nutshell, several brothers named Inskip (but pronounced "Keep") came to the colonies in the 1700s. My family is from the Jon Inskip branch, her family is from another brother's branch. It is our understanding (and my uncle has done a lot of research on this) that no other Inskips came over after that. If they did, they didn't change the spelling. So the 4 brothers, who changed the spelling to Inskeep for pronouciation's sake, eventually lead to all the Inskeeps in the country.

How exciting, and what a small world it is. Another Inskeep girl is adopting ETH babies through CHI!!! They already have their dossier in-country and will undoubtedly bring their babies home soon (winter). We will follow each other's progress closely. I'm so grateful she found me.

The Ishmaels

You all may be wondering who the Ishmaels are, since their vacation photos are featured on my blog. The Ishmaels are wonderful friends of ours. I have known Angel since college, and have know her husband Segun since before they were married. Likewise, they have known Gregg since he came into my life. Angel is like a sister to me. We are so close, in fact, that at my bridal shower (held at my mother's house) her 4 year old Alexis (my flower girl) asked me who the "red head lady" was. I replied she was my mom. Alexis said "but I thought Nana was your mom because you and mom are sisters." We then had to explain that Angel and I have different moms but are so close it's like we are sisters.

This Labor Day we went on vacation with the Ishmaels, their 2 gorgous girls, and Eve, their au pair. We had a lovely time in Union Pier Michigan, one of our favorite spots.

We have always felt blessed to have the Ishmaels in our lives, because they are such true and loving friends. However, on our journey to Sam, we feel doubly blessed. Angel has very light skin and freckles (a beautiful combination) and has subsequently had to field questions about her race and "what her parents are" all of her life. Although these questions always come from a place of ignorance and can be very hurtful, I believe she is a stronger woman for the difficulties she has faced. Segun is Nigerian, and has had to not only deal with the differences of being African in Amerca vs being African American, but has dealt with a lot of racism, as a very dark-skinned physician in a very white area of Indiana. They live in a mostly white neighborhood and their girls attend a mostly white school. As such, Angel & Segun are unique in their ability to help prepare us for many of the issues we will face with raising Sam in a white family.

We will never be able to understand what it's like for Sam, and will never be able to be the strong black role models he needs in his life. Angel, Segun and their girls can be the strong black role models Sam needs. We are so very greatful for having them in our lives and for the love they already have for our Sam. (Although the girls ask me frequently if we can trade Sam for a girl!)